31 july 2017: adulting

i love emails. 

They give me a feeling of thrill due to the stigma of professional attachment that the word "email" itself has. It's great to feel like an adult, especially a professional adult.

People think emails are on a professor to student communication basis most of the time, but emails also carry a pathway of communication for other matters. 

Companies to consumers, Scammers to the scammes (?), or Bank tellers to clients. 

Well, just this past month.

I have received about a few emails from my bank teller that my checking account had been below zero. 

Yes, zero dollars as in broke. 

Not even broke, in debt. 

Of course, I try to not show fear or anxiety amongst the people who surround me so I remain calm and tighten myself to save money from my paychecks every week. 

Yet, it seems as though bills, and other life expenses---car expenses mostly, have been appearing out of nowhere. 

I mean, it's cool. 

Just a bit, let's say---overwhelming. 


It's funny that i'm even writing about my irresponsible way of handling finances at the moment, but it's an output of some sort.

Other than the intellect of finances I possess, I'm enjoying the details of life. 

The fun details of life, enjoying new places, and letting my mind relax for a few minutes or so. 

I finally soaked in all the details of the aquarium I work at, and it's pretty cool. 

My friend, and I saw the many ways penguins can waddle, and jellyfish sway through the enclosed cases.

Also, the sight of children screaming their heads off, and bumping into the thick glass jail cells---windows, i mean. 

-Karla Yeseñia López

07.26.17: details

Have you ever looked at a human being, and created a story out of them just by looking at the details of their skin?

I saw this woman in front of me, her eyes had a weight to them. They were dull, and had swollen skin around them.

A shadow covered the underlying tissue, near the bottom lashes. 

The wrinkles on the side of her eyes became deeper every blink she took.

Her nose had a flaring motion as she blinked, it's as though the coordination of her eyes and nose indicated she had some sort of coherence still in her old age body. 

Although, her dry lips ticked after the flow of both her eyes, and nose --- uncoordinated there. 

This woman did hard labor, her tired eyes, and deep breathing pushed her body through the restless nights during the day. 

Her improper stance, hunched over physique, made it as though she had to be working in labor that required her to be working in the same hunched over position for various hours.

She yawned, and murmured in a raspy voice as if she wasn't properly hydrated, and needed a glass of water. 

A glare right after struck me, this woman was my mother. 


I had disassociated myself at the moment of observation that I forgot this human being was actually my mother.

The night before, I had stopped by my aunt's to stay the night with my mom.

a good song for the act of reflecting.

Although, complications arose in the household, I ending up spending the night in my car outside my aunt's house. 

The tired woman, my mom, also spent the night in her car too.

During the night in my car, I reflected on the various events in my life which i could recall doing the most to make it through the day.

I surprised myself as to how many things my mom, and I had to deal with.

This woman was a companion through all the miseries in life; the daunting police visits, and ICE scares.

I love this woman, yet I don't realize it sometimes because I'm sprung up in other worries of the future. 

-Karla Yeseñia López 

07.23.17: culture conflict

Currently, I have evolved into a book worm.

Despite, the forced reading a few months ago. This time it just naturally occurred, one day from another, I picked up a book and enjoyed the whole thing.

It's quite pleasing to learn from another person's thoughts, especially when it's an extensive thought written in an unamusing format--- a book. 

A book titled Latinas in Love, that I had read not so long ago, gave me an insight on the idea of culture conflict. 

What is culture conflict? Why haven't I realized that the conflict of questioning my own moral virtues to fit into morals pushed by my family had an actual structure?

Not that I had never realized that this underlying issue of questioning my mother's moral value was abnormal. 

The idea of acknowledging of whether I was okay with what my family enforced is what confused me the most. 

Is it okay if some of the traditional roles or mind set that I had been exposed to growing up was something I wanted?

I'm sure other individuals that adapted to the innovative ways of sex, marriage, social norms, and such would oppose of some of the "old fart" morality.

I do agree with some traditional values passed by my family, and I have realized that I have been disregarding them because of the whole rebellion ideal individuals try to put on growing up. 

Yet, the rebellion visage I had going on for me, only brought me experiences which made me realize the personal dislikes I had over the innovative ways society thinks of certain morals.







Most of the experiences pertaining to relationships; romantic or familial.

It's great to learn about yourself, especially realizing your views on morality, either traditional or innovative, and what you seek in life. 

Life can get confusing, most of the time. Although, having some factors in your mind that reassure you of what goals you plan to achieve, helps a lot. 

i'm happy at the moment, and it's a feeling that is starting to blossom in my life.

It's quite cheesy to say but doing journal entries in a notebook (some pictured in this blog post), and meditating every day has helped me absorb the simplicity of things in life.






-Karla Yeseñia Lopez 

07.19.17: the month of "me"

This month, I failed a writing exam at school, registered for classes, and declined loans for this upcoming school year. 

My writing exam results did become an underlying issue in isolation mode towards the beginning of the month. 

I felt quite disappointed, and ashamed of myself. 

Yet, there really isn't any point to dreading how things result in life.

The process of adjusting to a new home, with new people became a task that I had to deal with this month too. 

Not that it was a dreadful thing.

It was definitely something new.


This is probably going to be a personal comment, but I also lost the support of my father this month.

I did face a health issue this month as well, hospitalization type of ordeal. 

No concern was expressed by my father, just concern for my "stupidity", and the financial aspect of the hospital visit. 

All I can say is, I haven't received a call from him, and i'm currently wearing the "Led Zeppelin" shirt that I had purchased for his Father's Day gift.

I am hurt by the loss of support, family is a support group that everyone goes to just because of the genetic obligation. Our blood, and family line has a social/moral contract, which recalls the obligated support in a family. 

                   

It can be different for every family, but the support is there somehow. 

As of right now, mid-July, I'm content with life--- quite happy. 

New people in my life: roommates, co-workers, and new friends, have given me some strength in enjoying life. I have tried new things, which have reminded me of being able to choose---the act of choice. 

I also have gained far more responsibilities to deal with, new expenses which have resulted in finance consciousness.

It's quite stressful at times trying to breakdown the finances in a notebook, but it's a learning process. 

As for skills, I attended a photo workshop this month, which reminded me of the strengths I have, and the factors that I have to work on.

One of the weaknesses being hand stability, I have butterfingers to the max so my photos come out blurry sometimes even with lens stabilization. 

-Karla Yeseñia Lòpez