05.31.17: favorite moments

currently, my pal “insomnia” is visiting me. 


it’s been a frequent visitor lately, and i don’t know how I feel about it. 

My insomnia somehow motivates me to do some journaling, blogging, or crafting. I mean, usually the lack of sleep is inconvenient especially when you have to wake up early the next morning for school or work but now since I don’t have those responsibilities lined up for me.

Well, at least not for the moment.

I can use the malicious visitor as a positive factor in my life. Get into all the creative habits I once would do on a day to day basis again. 

Turn something good into a bad thing, right? 

Which is where i find myself right now, inspired to write a blog post while I listen to a response playlist dedicated to angsty college freshman year karla.


                                           

Here, on this early Wednesday morning, I find myself looking through my camera roll on my phone. 

Something, I don’t do often unless i’m sending a photo to my friends or looking for the screen shot with vital information, usually a pic of a pug.

The curiosity of my camera roll made me realize how there is recent moments that I was able to capture. 

An action of attaining a moment physically which is hard for me to incorporate on a daily basis. I usually like to soak in the moment rather than stress over photographing it. 









April 26, 2017:

The Walters show at Bottom of The Hill, SF. 

Joss, Sarrita, and I went to the show with the idea of standing in a crowd of elderly individuals since it was a Wednesday night show. Yet, the venue was filled with metal heads whom started a mosh pit similar to one that would be at a Tyler the Creator’s shows. The Walters btw have slow songs most of the time, even then, it didn’t stop the metal heads from smashing their heads together including 
me. 







May 20, 2017

Goodbye party at Zoe’s, SF. 

Zoe decided to throw a small get together with close pals for the last farewells before we all departed our ways for our summer adventures. Honestly, I don’t remember much this night. I do remember trying to keep up with the ping pong ball as it drifted from one side of the table to the other as everyone played beer pong.



March 30, 2017

A visit to Coit Tower, SF.

Joss, Sarrita, Mia, Jess, and I decided to venture off to the hidden treasures of SF. The highest peak in SF intrigued us to view the beauty which the bay possess. Other people on the peak of this hill intrigued me as well, they all had different reactions to the view which made me realize how some people appreciate nature and others don’t. Well, in this case, the development humans have done to nature by establishing buildings and other architecture. 




April 2, 2017

Mission Library, SF. 


Towards the end of the semester, the chicas and I made it a habit to do homework at Tierra Mia in SF. During the long hours of studying, I strolled around the neighborhood where I found the local library. The Mission library had different posters relating to the history of Latinos and the culture. Encouraging me to lose myself in the building to find all the hidden treasures of the latino culture hanging on the walls. 


- Karla Yeseñia López

05.26.17: another one bites the dust.


It is a bitter and sweet feeling when time flies quick. 

The plans you have set for the future--far future--is right around the corner with a blink of an eye. 

I have officially finished my "sophomore" year of college, and quit my job which i loved waking up to every day.

Now, i'm in the process of moving all my belongings back home to start my new chapter in life. 

New school.

New house.

New housemates.

New job.


It is the process of moving that has made me realize how I am the worst in dealing with change.

A lot of emotions, sadness and frustration, have been ways of coping with the idea of adapting to a new environment. 

I got comfortable with how my life was with work, school, and close relationships, that suddenly dismissing all these factors have left me lost. 

A confusion of whether i'll be able to be comfortable with the new factors that will be in my life like how i was just recently.

It's a scary thought to be faced with new challenges, even though i thrive upon spontaneity & the "new new". 

Somehow, the "new new" isn't attractive to me at the moment when it usually is.


Yet, the unattractiveness, has pushed me to reflect far more on my accomplishments that I have done this past year. 

The journal I use every once in a while, which contains the crafty entries of collages and writing, has been abused with far more drawings and writings these past few weeks.

New entires which reflect the prominent emotions I mentioned earlier as a coping method for the recent changes in my life. 










Today is also the last day I saw the best chicas which I admire dearly.

They headed back home early in the morning so I had the whole day to myself. 

The sense of loneliness encouraged me to take local transportation and explore the city. 

As always, i ended up going to a park and bumped into doggos of all sorts. 

Giving me kisses and snugs as they past along with their owners. 

















Nature is amazing, the greenery and noises coming from the rattling leaves and creatures mind blows me all the time.

Nature isn't appreciated enough in my opinion. Most people tend to lean towards other extracurricular activities for their leisure time. Activities which are usually indoors or technology based. 

Parks are my favorite, and getting the opportunity to visit them every once in a while gives me so much joy.

Even if it's just to read a book or sun bathe. 


- Karla Yeseñia López 

03.20.17: nostalgia and nausea


Plane rides make me sick. 

The nauseous feeling from landing and taking off, plus the nostalgia of even coming home is what I hate the most. 

The nostalgia which overcomes me is mostly from new changes that happen in my home or in the city. 

Every trip I take home, someone in my family has either possessed something new, learned a skill, achieved a higher job position, found a new partner, or even had some tragic accident. 

Change is what I hate the most you can say, so when I realize the changes that have happened at home.... I freak out.




Obviously, not jumping off of a 22 story building freaking out 

but

 more of an internal screech freaking out. 






The change I have noticed this home visit is me.

I'm going through a lot of change in my life.
Most of it being physical such as attending a new school in the fall, moving homes (for the 892784th time), and seeking a new job.

Stressful? yes.

Is it something I want? yes. 

The emotions that are present while I prepare myself for the changes in the upcoming months is what makes everything 2001830x harder. 








Yet, emotions is what pushes every human to make decisions so should I really be hating? lol

Overtime, emotions tend to ease out so hopefully when time comes to say bye to my chicas it won't end up in sad tears but happy tears.

Hmmmm, i'm going to end this post here. 


A mind pedito has possessed all of my brain functions so I have writers block now, ugh. 












 - Karla Yeseñia López 













03.06.17: "the world doesn't give a duck about you, sht happens"


"You are too ... scholarly"

"You need to be relatable, literary queen."


These exact words were said by my news writing professor, Roland. 

And...

He is honestly right. 

I find myself using references from the readings which I do for all my classes in everyday communication. 

Sometimes it makes me feel douchey or snobby because who would reference a Marx or Nietzsche piece at a party or at a friend get together.

no one??????????? 





I've mentioned to my friends that I will stop talking when these sentence starters escape my mouth:

"So... according to..."

or 

"But really this is similar to..."

References of these sorts burn out the conversations sometimes. 

I hate that.

Therefore, I decided to use all the literary juices in me to start journaling again. A little conversation between me, myself, and I.
A socratic seminar (lol). 



Creating playlists about the topics i'm passionate about at the moment help release the juices of my literary knowledge too. 


Fun! 


A recognition of my "literary" self has made me learn more about myself. The thought process I have in relating certain ideas of these scholars, indicates a connection to them.

I learn more of what I like and believe in. 


A trip to SFMOMA this past weekend made me realize how much I admire photography and the abstract meanings behind a picture. I related even some photography with the concept of sexuality and gender. A topic that has been on my mind 24/7. 

I blame the fact that i'm taking two classes and 60+ pages is required for reading in each class. 

which....

in all honesty...

isn't bad. I really like it.




candid by Mia

Maquettes/Light #3011 by Naoya Hatakeyama

japanese photography history photo books


Mal Plum, and her camera. 

30 minute flick about gender and militarism.

random guy admiring the wall of photography

more pics of random people in a cool exhibit that I forgot to record the name of (smh)

A couple with different desires in prolonging the observation of photography. 

Sarrita, and Mia 

 - Karla Yeseñia López 




02.28.17: "Übermensch"


"Übermensch", the "last man", is an idea introduced by Nietzsche. The most misinterpreted philosopher in philosophy. 

Misinterpreted most of time due to the fact people take his written words literal. 

Nietzsche, therefore, carries the title as being the biggest misogynist out there. 
BUT...

He really just wrote in a cis white male privileged manner because that's what most of Europe's scholars consisted of and it's what caught most individuals attention. 

The significance of "Übermensch" was to speak upon achieving the best of yourself. Reaching the "last man", a horrible translation that triggered many citizens because of the "man" term usage. Yet, taking it in context of his writings. He talks about women's suffrage and their power of possessing the entitlement of reaching the "Übermensch".



"Well... what about Nietzsche and 'Übermensch'?"

"What does this have to do with your blogpost today?"

I had two realizations this past weekend:

  1. My Gender and Sexuality professor, Loebs, is inspirational and amazing.
  2. I need to acknowledge and embrace my mistakes. 
Striving for the better me will be a constant action and motive, acknowledging the mistakes I do will help me look for better opportunities. 

A subconscious critic of myself is a sense of acknowledgment and brushing it away is only radiating the fear I have for the future. 
The future scares me and the topic of the future is a triggering factor to my overthinking state. A state that I try not have so frequently since it can become discouraging to me.

Seeking for my "Übermensch" is my goal from now on.

Discouragement from myself and others will be apart of the external critic that I will acknowledge to improve myself. Not to take as a hurtful critic that maybe these individuals want me to do. Either their intention is to discourage me or hurt me, so the bad ideals of myself that I still have a hard time disregarding are welcomed back to my thoughts. 

It doesn't matter because I will not let anyones words hurt me. 

I will let these words improve me.





This past weekend, I tagged along with my best chica, Jess, on her geography field trip in the Sausalito area alongside the cliffs overlooking the bay area. A five minute drive outside the Golden Gate bridge. 

Walking, hiking, and standing outside on the magnificent hills covered with lush greens made me realize how I love nature. The view also made me realize how i'm going to miss the bay area (a little bit) and my best chicas. 

I am moving back home for school after this spring semester and starting my life in the suburbs all over again. 

Excited. 
Scared.

Life is wonderful and the emotions attached to life make me grateful for the steps I am taking in improving myself. Therefore, the trip with Jess's geography class soothe me in accepting the emotions of joy, and fear that are overwhelming right now as I start to think of the future without my friends. 

Just me, myself, and I. 































  - Karla Yeseñia López 

02.19.17 : Reflection.



"Flip the pillow 'til i'm fine
Pull the sheet over my head
Spend the next four years in bed"

M.A.D. - The Orwells 



I appreciate the composition of songs and the individuals that create the structure of a song. 

Don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to say that no one knows songs can have a meaning. 
Wow. 

Who would of thought?!

I just admire the people that compose a song. It takes great skill to even focus on an idea for a song since there is a vast amount of ideas that can be used to create a song. 

So...

Really, this is an indirect "Thank you" to The Orwells for having sweet jams in their new album, Terrible Human Beings. 
















The actual purpose of writing a blog today is to reflect. 

Reflecting on past events that happen to us is a key element for learning. It helps hint at factors that you can work on to improve your overall character. 

The idea of just reflecting is a gateway to encouraging one self on personal goals, a pathway to success.

Right now, I have time to focus on myself. Work on my strengths and weaknesses or discover some of them. 

Honestly. 

I am happy.

I haven't been happy for a long time, life was rough to me these past few months. 

Not to long ago, I was severely depressed and suicidal. 

It's hard to explain or describe the emotions that are tied to these confusing, unwanted mental thoughts. These thoughts that consume your life with no reason. They happen and sometimes there isn't an answer, even if you try to find a reason.

I remember not going out or canceling plans because dark thoughts would dominate my head. Laying there in bed for a full day without doing anything but just in thought. Killing my emotional state without even wanting to. I would try to dress myself and even walk for a bit but somehow I would end up in bed crying.


It is hard. 
It is annoying.
It is stressful. 

The only thing you can do during this dreadful time is be patient. Not try to google medication to consume so somehow this mental stage disappears from one day to another. Trust me, I did that and now I have unnecessary medication laying around. 

I decided to compose a list of all the things I want to do this year, key factors that I want improve in: 




  • travel the states and document (it)
  • get something published
  • network... networkk..
  • learn about myself
  • focus on talking about emotions 

















I took these low light photos so I can practice on light reflection.
















   - Karla Yeseñia López