How do you meet new people?
The popular dating platform, the notorious Tinder, has brought many people together for the good or bad.
I have used Tinder in the past, not on a continuous use.
Maybe months at a time, since a period of bashing on its use and purpose for the population discouraged me from using it after a while. The experience with matched individuals especially the distasteful experiences were a discouraging factor too.
This bashing then lead me to delete my glammed out Tinder account, to which I would reactivate various months later, enticed by curiosity most of the time.
Recently, i've been thinking about these Tinder experiences.
The good and the bad.
I've thought of the mentality I went into creating the account every time I reactivated it.
The purpose of why I would reactivate besides being curious, and what I wanted to get out of it.
During the start of the Tinder frenzy, my goal was to find a serious partner-- a loving one.
Well, whatever the meaning of Love meant to me during that time because let me tell you-- it has changed.
The definition of Love during this early frenzy was just to hear someone else say, "I love you" to me, vocally.
Nothing else.
I had never heard another person, other than close family and friends, say it to me.
This Love, had to come from someone that had no blood line connection or history.
Love, unfortunately, didn't come around during this time.
Well, not the way I wanted it.
I stopped using the app that took a chunk of my phone's storage space.
To which, I experienced new discoveries with individuals in person without this tool.
Months later, I hopped on it again.
This time with the intention of exploring the supposed physical Love everyone is obsessed with.
I'll depict this past objective with a Mad Men reference since I've been obsessed with it lately.
It's the Love, Don Draper is willing to give every gal who crosses his path.
I didn't crave this Love; I could care less about the physical interaction.
The goal was to explore why people believed the physical bond signified and took 99% of the meaning of Love in their eyes.
Did it have to do with having a symbolic meaning of ownership for the person or was it for mere pleasure?
or
both?
This curious time period did bring experiences that were both unpleasing, and eye-opening.
I'd say self-discovery was also made during this time too.
A real life example of sexual consent was also depicted to me; the meaning of a consensual "yes" vs. "no".
Something which is pushed now a days in school classes, but not really specified with different scenarios.
After this, I stopped using the damned app.
Now, reflecting on what happened during these frenzies; I begin to see that my expectations were high.
Most of the time, my objective was not only to discover things but it was to prove something to someone.
I don't regret going through the experiences but it does come with a lot of emotional drainage.
Well, the way that I was approaching this dating app--yes.
The idea i'm trying to get across here is knowing the limits that you are willing to go.
I didn't have any going into both objectives, it was sort of me being free-for-all type of dealio for these strangers.
Personally, the stability to draw limitations wasn't there for me.
I'm talking about self-stability.
I was seeking people to rely on which is ironic because i'm stubborn and self dependent most of the time and didn't draw this dependency as a limit.
Even now, I catch myself asking too much of people with emotional stability or trying to portray myself as emotionally weak so someone could stabilize me.
Yet, I know what I have and the causes of sleepless nights.
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A few nights ago, someone had called me to ask for this emotional stability.
They were abusing my phone line with words that were both threatening and worrisome.
I started to cry for this person, they needed reassurance of themselves.
I was being asked to stabilize them even when they knew what was triggering them, and how they could solve it.
Why did I have to reassure them of stability when they knew exactly how they could do it themselves?
Why did I expect this from the various people I matched with on Tinder, when they had no obligation to do so?
Why did I have to think these individuals needed to show me the purpose or meaning of something when they probably don't know it themselves?
Thank you to all the people that I have met through this glorious app of genius, emphasis on the term "glorious". (sarcasm)
*All cheeky photos of Tinder adventures
- Karla Yeseñia Lopez
